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Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Guest Post and Giveaway: Susan Bennett

New Year's Resolutions
by
Susan Bennett


            Q.        How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
            A.        Just one – but the light bulb has got to WANT to change.
With that in mind, I have made only one New Year's resolution, and that is to be brutally honest with myself.

This means acknowledging that my deep and abiding love of chocolate will never change; because – hell's bells – I don't want it to. This new honesty compels me to admit that my love of ice-cream verges on the erotic, as does my deep salivating desire for summer berry puddings, beer-battered fish and chips (served with ice-cold beer) deep-fried arancini with fresh lemon, baked stuffed potatoes, snow-white chevre cheese, Italian fennel sausage, sauteed rosemary potatoes, lemon curd and chocolate coconut pudding.

In my heart of hearts I know my love of fresh fruit is owed only to its relationship to cheese and wine, and – damn it's so liberating to be saying it loud and saying it proud! – the best way to serve healthy guacamole is with a massive side of Mexican banquet dripping in cheese, sour cream, and overflowing with tequila and lime laden margaritas.

And so, God help me, as the butter from a thousand baked potatoes marches steadily toward my beating aorta, I will admit to myself two important truths: in all likelihood, I will always be just a little bit fat, and if I'm to be honest with myself, I don't give a flying fuck.

Now, because you can't spell svelte with crème fraiche and pancetta, I'll ask myself the same question and this time I'll answer it honestly.

            Q.        How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
            A.        None.  The light bulb will change itself when it's good and ready.

Or not.  The human beast is a complicated beast.  I resolve not to resolve the wonderfully complicated unresolvable life-loving human beast that is me.

2012, lock and load, bitch.

About the Author:

Susan Bennett's first job entailed selling very large knives (think the bowie knife – "that’s not a knife, this is a knife" – from Crocodile Dundee) to complete strangers, along with camping goods and other assorted goodies such as replica pistols. Twenty years on, it finally occurred to her to wonder what some of those people wanted those replica pistols for, and she strongly suspects that many of the people she sold handcuffs to weren’t actually buying them as a joke gift, as they said. As such thoughts never entered her young head, she was able to look her customers happily in the eye and smile broadly as she helped them with their purchases, never suspecting that in an hour’s time they would be handcuffed to a bed somewhere. 


Giveaway:

The author is giving away 2 copies of her book Grace.  If you would like to win a copy, please leave a comment on this post with a valid email address.   We will randomly pick two winners from the commenters on January 17th.  This giveaway is for ebooks so it is open internationally.

Four women are about to start a mob war – and nails WILL be broken.

Some epiphanies look like diamonds. Isabella Albrici's diamond shaped epiphany begins when her womanising husband, Domenic, frames her and her best friend Teresa for his diamond smuggling operation to save himself from jail. Prime targets for the prison’s resident psychopath, they’ll be lucky to survive jail, even luckier to survive if they get out – thanks to Domenic, ‘the family’ thinks Isabella is an FBI informant. The big house ain't no fun house, but for Isabella and Teresa, it’s the safest house there is – until the evidence keeping them there suddenly goes missing.

4 comments:

wyantebay said...

First entry, hopefully it is lucky :)

cwyant3497@gmail.com

Deranged Pegasus said...

Luck to everyone!

derangedpegasus@gmail.com

rhonda said...

I agree luck to all.lomazowr@gmail.com

Rachel Vessar said...

Hello! I would like to win this book.

Rachel
pefrw@yahoo.com